The impostor syndrome

During my interview season I had the opportunity to read "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg, a great read for ANYONE interested in creating equal treatment for women in the workplace. A particularly inspiring book for someone entering what used to be patriarchal roles (i.e business, medicine, law, the list is much longer than we'd like to admit).

Earlier this week I attended a medical student panel held by MSMU STEM and one student mentioned "the impostor syndrome". I sat there and nodded my head obnoxiously as I remembered experiencing and reading about the impostor syndrome.

The impostor syndrome is a "phenomenon of capable people being plagued by self-doubt..." But why you may ask? Ms. Sandberg adresses this concern and how much more common it is for women to feel like frauds for their accomplishments. This was the first time I had ever heard of such a thing, AND IT WAS A RELIEF, I wasn't the only one (maybe I have done the "right" things)! Can you imagine, being "successful" but telling yourself "maybe you got lucky and they made that exam easier." Cause that is sure as hell what I felt every step of the way here are some examples of feeling that way:

1.  Freshman year- placed into remedial math/science, had serious doubts about completing a biology degree. Sophomore year- take biology and ace my first exam.
• Initial thoughts were; Awesome! BUT don't get ahead of yourself Jen this professor is tough and you have 2 exams that you probably won't do well in. 
2. Junior year- taking Organic Chemistry and getting a C- on my first exam thinking "HERE IT IS, the thing that will deter me from achieving my goals!!!!" *ROLLS EYES AT MY PAST SELF FOR BEING SO DAMN ANNOYING AND PRE-MED*
3. (yay for Jane a Disney female scientist ;])
4. Taking Medical Physiology and having it be the most difficult of any science course I had taken by far. (seriously!?, guys no joke this terrifies me because this is going to be my life the next years and if it was the most difficult then imagine it combined with other just as difficult courses?....)
5. Taking the MCAT and "passing" I put quotes because you can't really pass or fail, but you need to have a good enough score. Knowing that there was people who had to take it more than once, there was no way I had an equally difficult exam (that's what I thought, I know better now..)
6. Getting more than 1 interview and acceptance at what I consider prestigious schools. This was a weird impostor syndrome because I was thinking WOW I am awesome until my top choice which wasn't as prestigious rejected me pre-interview (womp, womp). But a wise man told me, "You can't have everything Perdomo!" so I get it and I am 1x10^infinity times grateful for all that I have received so far.
7. Oh, and I won't forget or forgive myself for ever thinking that going to the small liberal arts school that is MSMU would decrease my chances because I thought

• No one know this school, they won't think I am good enough &
• I am probably not getting the same education as other students across the nation

Very upset that I ever though that, but I recognize the importance of having attended a much different school than most of my medical applicant peers.

Tina Fey describes the syndrome:

" The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania, and a complete feeling of "I'm a fraud! Oh god, they're on to me! I'm a fraud!"

It is common for anyone to feel this way, and I believe that the best way to combat the impostor is to acknowledge your success as part of your talent. If you are headed toward success and some of your attempts are what you consider "failure" remember that you do not always fail. Remind yourself of the times that you were able to overcome and keep pushing through. Be confident in yourself, and always do things that make you feel happier about yourself.

In the end it ALWAYS comes down to confidence. Every thing that you have done so far has been the fruit of your crop. Remember that no two people have the same road, some roads are more distorted than others, but guess what they both end at the same place. It takes time and patience, it was not until my interviews with students who went to undergrads like : Harvard, Yale, Colombia, etc that I realized it did not matter how I got where I was because at the end of the day I was interviewing with an equal chance at acceptance. 

That is not to say I am "cured" of impostor syndrome, I just learned to take my hard work and appreciate it. I am here because of every step that I took whether right or wrong. My heart has raced when I succeeded, I've cried when I failed, I rejected the typical college party scene, I studied at family events, etc. 

If you've ever felt this way know you are  not alone and that your achievement is yours and not a random chance of luck. :)

P.S. any ideas about what I should write about next!? Leave comments with suggestions :D